Today! I am scared, scared of failure, scared of being stuff here for all my life, scared of not going where I meant to be. Scared that I will have to accept faith and adjust to my dreams. I am scared that I will continue to live like this only. I wish to be somewhere else with someone else, but I am stuck here. I want to open my own business. I want to earn millions, go to space. FIND me. But I am stuck here with a clerk job. Doing the job meant for non-humans. I am on this earth doing so minimal that if I don't exist it won't matter. I want to be great.

But most of the time, I am in my path. I pledged that I will celibate but couldn't I lost. AGAIN. I feel drained. I want the energy but I think it's getting corrupted by this fear of not being in Mumbai. I don't know, I hated that that place but now I feel there is something there, I want to come back to. I WANT TO GO TO MUMBAI. I want to go to Mumbai, I want to go to Mumbai as nabard grade a. I WANT THE MUMBAI. I WANT THE WORLD. AND I WILL HAVE IT. If I have failed then what, I will rise up again, I will fight. I absolutely refuse to give up. I WANT IT AND I WILL HAVE IT.

I am running behind the deadline. I am sick too. on the top of it my time is wasted in office. I think i am gonna take a leave
Yeah! it is someone's birthday and I needed to go their, wasted a solid 5 hrs and just slept in the night. Poor me. This is hampering as around 2 weeks are remaining for the exam. 
I feel like "John Conor" struggling to figure out which road doesn't end in a ditch of failure. Since morning I planned for something and then planned evolved into something else. But I realized while my plan was evolving that I only need not focus on the things like will I pass an exam or not but on only on the thing which I can do right now. All I do right now is to continue my struggle and fight back. No matter how many times I was thrown to the ground.

I need to focus on not on the result, not on the monthly plan, not on this week plan, not even this day plan but only on the 3 hr from now and plan them meticulously and work forward till one project is completed. and when this project is completed then only move forward. Don't leave it half done. complete it. and if cannot be completed today complete it tomorrow but don't start a new one.


08:53 am / 25-05-2019

Today, the first thing I did was cleaning my house, it doesn't seem like a big deal and it is no, but the timing of cleaning is. 12:00 AM. I started my day with progress. Now I have a clean room. while doing this I realized one thing. Things are that I bombard insults on myself, pointing out problems with my way of working or what I have achieved till now. But Never have I ever thought a positive loving thing about myself. In the rush of the world, I forgot to love the most important person in my life "ME".
So I will try to mention one good thing each day and every day for the next 30 days, till I fall in love with myself.

Today's Good thing: I love my sensitivity towards others. 


11:15 am / 25-05-2019

I realised just now that I like a lady named (let's just say her name is) Parika. And I want to grow for her. I understand that I want to be capable to protect her in every way. I want to lead her with her.  Maybe all this came into realization because of the fire inside me to expand my horizon to be DEPENDABLE.

I know my thoughts are scattered but this what I am now...........


11:56 am / 25-05-2019

I want to develop new skills continuously.
Top 5 skills I always wanted to have.

1. Extreme Presence in the moments
2. Mind maps
3. Musical instrument
4. Painting
5. Dancing


I think I know what to do now! I want to plan and work on it. Complete it.
The FIRST STEP HAS BEEN TAKEN...................

It seems like I am being pulled, duelled and fuelled into this abyss of self failing that I feel helpless.  I feel goalless, joyless every morning. Not motivated! no "motivated" is not the word, the word is EXCITED.

I want to be excited. I want to change my life. And I have challenged myself to complete a year-round, 365  days makeover for my life and I will write about. You must be wondering, whoever you are, why this title? well, you will find out on the 365th day.

Once there was a man. Man, a great speaker, simply an embodiment of logic and reasoning. One thin that he despaired was love. He dared to questions each  aspect of love. Through the sight of his logical eyes, love seems not to fit in the equation of world. According to him, love is just a hoax manifested by people, just to avoid the harsh reality of life. In any argument, his logic and reasoning were so compelling that opponent shatters like a piece of glass.
One day, he was walking in a park, grinding with thoughts of his own. While walking, he saw a middle age woman crying lonely. “She’s the wife of Lord Sherman” he whispered to himself. She looked sad and lifeless. He became curious and wanted to know, what’s the reason for her sadness. He went to her and asks “What’s wrong madam?”
To his surprise, she answered, “I don’t think love exists in this world.” Even though he agrees with her, he asks “Why do you think that?” She said,  I had been married for last 20 years; my husband was with me for the sake of children. Now the children are grown up. There is no reason for him to stay.” Where is love?” she asked while breathing heavily. “I think Love is just  to blurr the misery of reality” she said.

Thier agreement on the topic of love served as a menu card for further conversations. They talked for hours, exploring each other. She shared her side of misery and he engaged with logics and reasoning. Both explored themselves and each other. Both touched happiness in themselves. Both of them left that day with warmth in their hearts after hours of conversation, just to meet again, every day for next two years.

One day the man was invited to neighbouring town for a debate. He couldn’t meet her that day as he was invited,so he asked her not to wait for him. While he was in debate, he sensed this strange feeling, the feeling of desperation. He never felt this way before. He wanted to leave the place and meet her. The moment the debate ended, he went straight to the park; only watch her waiting for him in same desperation. He then walked slowly toward her and said “I think. I love you.” Lady nodded in acceptance. She said she felt this way all along, but had been scared to tell. Soon after they got married.
After some years, coincidently they were sitting beside each other on the same bench, but something was different. They both were unhappy and emotionally wrecked. The man became unloving and the lady non-caring women. This wasn’t the way they met. What leads to this moment?

As the man thought deeper, while sitting beside her, he realized that both happiness and unhappiness toward each other is a product of same seed. The seed of responsibility. When they met, no one was responsible for others happiness, it was within the person. Generated by him for himself. But, after getting married both of them made others responsible for their happiness.

Both of them delivered the right of happiness into their counterpart’s hand. No matter how much she tries she can never make him happy because she doesn’t know, what he wants nor can he. Soon, expectation took over compassion, misery took over happiness and suspicion took over love.

Doesn’t this sounds familiar!

Isn’t it looks same to our love story? Met each other, fall in love, get married, fall out of love, and now, don’t know why even together. The major problem of every couple in this world, right now. 

To have a relation built around happiness, you must be the owner of your own happiness. You must not give in your happiness, just because your partner is unhappy. You should be pulling your partner up, not diving down his/her level.
Learn to be happy on your own and relationship would be a pleasant-pleasant world.

photo credit: _DSC8126 via photopin (license)

photo credit: via photopin (license)

( property)

It is funny, how, Love can destroy our pity little world and as soon as, we are able to define the outer peripheral of love, the curiosity to dive deeper becomes prevailing & that’s what we are going to do, today. We as a community is struggling with a problem, called “How to Love?” Teen and brand new adults are highly likely to fall in pit of misery although incapable to raise the question, thanks to our society. This continuous emotional contingency hinders their capacity to blossom and feel, leaving them psychologically crippled. Their expedition in hunt of the answer is choked with despair because of our well known psychiatrist, Love gurus, and mystics. How do I know that, because last thing I remember is paying them fairly big chunk of my money with no satisfying answer what so ever.

Since the past, several fanciful things are said and attached to love, but I would like to bring it all the way down to the mechanics of love. All Humans are very well capable of love, only when they are willing to. But due our idea of love, we have outsourced it to heaven. People began to believe that solely place where love can exist is heavens. But it really is a human emotion, but then why so many people tend to misunderstand simple fact like that? Reason is simple. It’s called PRACTICE 
Even practice in wrong direction is not fruitful.

Yes, Practice! We, humans are the creatures of practice. We can practice anything till, it is manifested in realm of reality and in this case we practice so hard to create a hell around us that we managed to be in total resonance with our misconception and judgements. Judgements and Misconception like “I can’t love” “Love is a heavenly thing” “I am not here to love” etc. These all kind of bizarre judgements about us and others is being manifested by us. Till a kid turns into an adult, he has college a big heap of judgements, preconceptions and misconceptions that he is having a real hard time differentiating feeling from cutter of prejudices.

As we have coated about “What is Love?” in earlier blog that love is human energy in an exceedingly pleasant form. If your outlook is pleasant, everything around you will seem to be pleasant. For an instance, you are driving on high traffic day and you already have some assumptions in your baggie, such as women can’t drive. You have it for no reason, even if every women driver is driving fine just as you, you can’t stand them. You mumble to yourself all kind of rubbish. This all is because of your outlook about women driver. For a change, you think of every driver with forgiving attitude, you will tend to ignore, silly mistakes of others because it wouldn’t matter in you. Life around you is pleasant. If you just won 10 million dollar in a lottery, you wouldn’t care even if someone drives a tank over your Toyota. Isn’t it? Because you know you are going to buy something whole lot better, so it does not matter. 

Pleasantness of heart can do wonders.
Bang! Now you know the first step, change your outlook about the world. Look for something nice in everyone.
Now when we talk about love, there is one rule that “there is no rule”. No rules or no conditions for your counterpart. You accept them as they are or leave them once and for all. You allow them to be whatever they are and still love them. This idea seems to be absurd. Isn’t it? But when you look little carefully to your life, it happens every single day. For example, let’s say you have a dog and you both are fond of each other. You feed him and he loves you. It doesn’t matter to him, if you came home after 10 minutes or after 24 hours. He will shower you with love, no matter what. Right! But one day, you come all frustrated because lost your job, you can’t show same appreciation as him, he doesn’t take it personally. He lets you to be what you are at the moment. He goes away and continues his life. Next day you are back and to our amazement, he can’t stand to love you because he doesn’t care what you did previous day. 

 That is the thing to learn and apply in love. If your partner is angry or sad, demonstrate your love, but never sacrifice your pleasantness just for the sake for company. Let the counterpart be angry but never be a partner in their anger because they can’t appreciate your love right now. You don’t take it personally. It is their part struggle and they will surface out of. When you behave this way, you have become your own master of pleasantness (just like the dog) and your counterpart will evolve and thieve out of struggle because he/she will know that no matter how bad things go, you will be there waiting for them, blissfully. 

 And that’s how you should love but then again can you really love her/him. Noticeably, No you can’t! You are showering him/her with love irrespective for her/his behavior.. You didn’t change them; you just have changed your outlook. You have become pleasant and hence, you have become love. 

 “You can never love something or someone, you can only become love”

You can do it.

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Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn your house, you can never tell 
                                                                                -Joan Crawford

Many people are together because of it, many more are alone, and much more are scared of it. People have described it as the center of world and still, it tops the reasons for people’s depression. Yes! You are right!! Its love and we are going to talk about it.

We, Human have remarkable the ability to misapprehend the concept of love. Love is like those extinct birds that everyone seems to be talking about but not one has encountered. So, what’s Love? However before you want to rise, you must ask “Why is love?”

Yes! Why is love? Implausibly vexing and still amusing question. You would possibly say love exists as a result of attraction between individuals, or each finds happiness in being love. You are virtually right however, let’s dive deeper. 

As Aristophanes stated-
Love is a remedy for an ancient wound inflicted on us by the gods,
Who divided us in two as a punishment for our
Arrogance. Since those primordial times, each of us is only
Half of himself or herself, searching relentlessly for Completion.

Here Aristophanes has something interesting to say that we have a tendency to look for one thing that completes us. People are searching for that “something” whole their life as they travel through the materialistic world, emotion world, and even in metaphysical world. For an instance, assume that you don’t have a love some girlfriend in your life and you are also in a financial crisis. So, what is the thing you crave the most? Well of course! Money, unless you’re planning seize your future girlfriend’s wealth. You are in search of money because in that moment that creates the impression of completeness. In any emotional crisis, you seek for an emotional contact to share your feelings, as sharing your feeling causes you feel more stable in the ripples of uncertainty. That’s what you crave most in that instant. People crave for various things in different situation that provides them with the feeling of singularity.


Although, there is one thing special in love; you are drawn to someone, not a thing. You might say “Bud! Isn’t that obvious!” but think deeper, what is it that draws you? For some, it can be the engaging face, or body or manner of talking or something you made up in your brain attic about them. For me, it had been her mesmerizing eyes. There will be always a quality, you like about your counterpart regardless of your awareness. The question 
“WHY IS LOVE?” will be answered now.

Love is because, you perceive a quality in a person that attracts you and it         presents the sensation of completeness in you. You wish for the perpetual possession of the nice. Like Mr. Plato said “The motive force in love is a yearning for goodness, not just completion”.  Indeed, goodness itself is the solely object of affection. When we love someone, we are really in quest of possessing the goodness, not  temporarily of course, but permanently.

Then, What the hell is LOVE?

Bear with me a little. To makes things a little more interesting, picture this. You’re a multi millionaire, and the grand owner of water tank installed on the hill’s top holding the tank’s tap for no particular reason. May be because there is a crisis of water and since you are such a humanitarian, you are providing water to the travelers. However, there is a catch, always a catch. There are countless types of cup. Some are dirty, others are dirtier, and few are clean. Before you offer the water to the travelers, you have to taste a little by yourself! Which one will you choose? Isn’t it obvious the one with vodka in it!!  Jokes apart! You will choose the clean cup. 

Now, think about water as your energy and cups as an expression of the energy such as like anger, love, lust etc. When you fill your energy in cup called love for others, you also taste energy in a harmonious way(clean cup) but when you pour your energy in anger cup you taste your energy in not so harmonious way (dirty cup) which provides you feeling of sourness unlike the love cup.

So, from this context Love is a pleasant and harmonious expression of you energy in the pursuit of virtues in others.

Isn’t that’s LOVE!

Comic are copyright of "How to love?" By Dorris, Webtoons